Friday, December 21, 2012

Paradise Ca

I'd be jealous if I were you.

Just listen to the name.



No it's not a damn beach with palm trees, and a fold up chair with umbrella with Coronas. LOL

It's a small town, full of old people and hicks, but Its where my momma and papa are so it's here I am starting fresh.

I am very hopefully, and excited to be getting this new fresh start.

I am blessed and so very thankful, to be given this chance to get myself together, and have a little bit of help from the parental units.

They adore my baby girl, and are beyond excited to get to hang out and play with her. I am excited for them as well.

I am looking forward to the future. Working, making monies, saving, and doing big things, gaining self confidence, and getting fit. You do not even understand!

I will admit, I miss my hubby like crazy! It is so hard to walk away for awhile to better yourself. And I know that all sounds horrible, but I seriously could not get a grip while I was there. I was going under. But i do love my hubby with ll my heart, and after this time is up, Im going to be back with him, and we will live happily ever after. hahahaha.

Thats my amazeball update! Pray for me lovers!


Thursday, December 13, 2012

On My Way To a Fresh New Start.

Its been awhile since I've made a post. 


I know super slacking. 

So....A lot has happened in such a short amount of time. 

I suppose I'll fill ya'll in. 

Well, my birthday was lousy, as to be expected. I absolutely HATE my birthday, I haven't enjoyed it in forever. So WAMP!

It pisses me off that I always have the teensiest bit of hope that on my birthday I might actually feel special....When I know I wont. So I don't know why I have that little bit of hope. Im an idiot. LOL. 


A major event happened in my life the day after my birthday. Its not like an epic event, but was a real eye opener, and with this eye opener, The hubby and I have decided we will part ways for a bit. 

I have a lot of shit I've got to work out, as does he. But for me, I need to work on finding myself again. I really lost my way over the past few years. Not a good look. 

So I am looking towards a positive ending. 

I am going to go back to cali for a bit, work on myself, get a job, save up money, and work out. I am excited because for me, its a fresh start to a new chapter in our lives. We lost the connection that we desire to have, and because I have fallen so for into a pit of self loathing and depression, The only way I can think of to pull myself out, is to go away for a bit. 

No our marriage isn't over. We're gonna work together, while apart for little awhile. Get our feet back on the ground. 

Probably a lot of you are like WHAT THE SHIT how does that work. Well don't fucking judge me. I got this shit. Im full blown dedicated/faithful to my husband. I just need a chance to get my back on my feet. Its' complicated. 

Out here in Colorado I feel trapped as a stay at home mom, though I am craving work. Its just not that simple to pick up and work when you have a small child, and tooo many bills for your own health. The fact that when Im in cali, I can work and have a trusted babysitter AKA grandma, I can not only save money on a baby sitter, but I can feel my daughter is in safe good hands. She is to small to tell me if anything bad happened at "daycare" therefore I do not trust it, also Colorado is a shitty place for kids. NOTHING BUT CHILD MOLESTATION AND CHILD ABDUCTIONS IN THIS BITCH. Not to mention I recently read about a 3 MONTH old, who died at daycare because she was face down on the floor and none of the damn workers payed any attention. ITS THAT SHIT RIGHT THERE that fucks me up as a mother. UGH!

So because I can save, and find a transferable job, so when I do return to Colorado, we will have a better foundation for our marriage, and parenting, but also, we may be more financially stable. Alll which makes me more happy and confident as a women, mother, and wife. 

So I will continue to stay positive about whats to come with myself and my marriage. Gonna do nothing but send out positive vibes, that this will work out for the better! (:

And because I am a sexy bitch, I will leave you with this. (: